Are you really in “The Lifestyle?”
Duh. The only way you found this site is because
a) I told you about this site
b) you got something with this website on it at a lifestyle event
c) you linked here through a lifestyle related website
d) we had sex
e) all of the above. This site isn’t listed anywhere else, because I don’t need this shit on a real search engine.
Whats your real name?
When you’re ready to hire me, I’ll be more than happy to put that information on a W-9. Until then, the only reason you’re able to browse this site is because my mother thinks “Google” is an eye condition.
Are you really a Dominatrix?
Yes. However, I wasn’t when I first started doing comedy, or when I originally got into swinging. The name “Dominatrix of Ditties” came about because I’m a word freak and I like alliteration, which refers to the repetition of a particular sound in the first syllables of a series of words or onamatopenis. It’s when a word imitates or suggests the source or soul of a penis. But neither of these has anything to do with being a Dominatrix. After being a swinger for 3+ years, friends in the lifestyle introduced me to the fetish side of things and I quickly figured out that I was into “kinkery” too. In fact, you should be punished for reading this. And you will.
Is it okay if I heckle you during a show?
I’m one of the good comics in life that doesn’t need to make fun of YOU to do a show. I actually spent time writing material, I have something to say and I don’t enjoy belittling people, which I know is weird for a Dominatrix. Sit back and enjoy the show, I won’t call you out. However, before you try heckling me – just remember I have spent the better part of two decades thinking up insults and comebacks for the ignorant, inebriated, and ignorantly inebriated. I will gladly allow you a few seconds of fame before I testify that I’ve seen you naked and that your dick is smaller than a Fun Size Snickers. If you’re a real asshole, I will dress up as the Dominatrix, follow you to work and ask your co-workers “Where is he? That little bitch owes me money.”
Does your Dominatrix show contain profanity?
Yes, it will. So will conversations you have with me. It’s just how I am. Sorry, Fucker.
Do you do
Absolutely! Send me an email and I’ll provide you with a link to that site.
Do you do comedy for kids?
Fuck no. Not ever.
I want to hire you for a show. What do you charge?
I usually charge a flat show fee plus travel expenses. That fee depends on the answers to these questions:
- When is the show?
- Where is the show?
- What kind of venue? (Banquet room, bar, restaurant, etc.)
- How many people do you expect to be in attendance?
- What sounds and light equipment will you have, and what will I need to bring?
What are your performance requirements?
In order to do a great show,
I need the following:
- An indoor venue where there are minimal distractions. Banquet rooms, theaters, and small restaurants work well.
- A stage – no more than 18” high (ground floor is fine), at least 8 ft x 8 ft.
- A sound system. (I have one I can bring)
- A spot light. (I have one I can bring)
- Ample seating, and close to the stage.
- Small tables are nice for drinks, but not necessary.
How long is your show?
45-60 minutes, depending on the size of the audience and what precedes and follows my show.
What Others In The Lifestyle Are Saying
“The Dominatrix of Ditties has a deft, light, delightful, naught, and insightful window into kinky sex fun. She had me laughing through the whole set (the one @Viagra was worth the price of admission). It’s rare that a ‘civilian’ performer gets the humor and silliness of having sex for either a living or a hobby. Bravo!”
“Hair like Chewbacca. Funny!”
“What an amazing show! She totally rocks the house! One of the best lifestyle performers we have ever seen. Don’t miss her show. She’s absolutely hysterical.”
“She is extremely talented! Her musical talent is phenomenal as she weaves funny stories, comical songs, and jokes seamlessly. She is very straight forward and direct. We think she is awesome!”
We caught this lady’s act on the Bliss cruise this year, and we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe! She says all the things that you were too polite to say int he lifestyle, and the she adds a bunch of humorous songs – definitely a can’t miss show!”
“Where the Hell is my Crown Royal?”